Start the New Year with a Strengths Based Perspective

There is so much advice this time of year around resolutions, goal setting and how to become the best version of yourself. All of these can be helpful depending on how you approach them. Often, we approach New Year’s resolutions with a critical eye. What do we want to change about ourselves? Where did we fail to achieve goals this past year? How do I want this next year to be different from the last?

What if we examined ourselves and our lives while looking for our strengths rather than our deficits? In Solution Focused Therapy we often ask people to look for the exceptions to their problems. Where are things going well? What is working for you now? In what ways are you already achieving your goals? Building on those exceptions will help you see your own strengths and potential in a way that a critical eye often misses.

When we approach ourselves in a strengths based way, we can also avoid unnecessary anxiety and stress. While there is an initial momentum that can happen when we resolve to be better or do more, we can lose that momentum quickly if it is based in self-criticism. We often see this around February or March when people begin to give up on their resolutions. When we give up on our goals, we often turn towards self-criticism which can lead to anxiety, stress and depression.

How to approach the new year from a strengths based perspective

Ask yourself the following questions:

1.     What did I achieve, however small, that I am proud of this past year?

2.     How was I able to accomplish this?

3.     What internal strengths did I bring that helped me accomplish this?

4.     How is this achievement making my life better now?

5.     Using the strengths identified in step 3, how can I build on this accomplishment over the next week or month? (Keep the time frame short and doable)

6.     Or, using the strengths identified in step 3, how can I use them to help me achieve a new goal?

7.     As you work towards your goal, continually ask yourself:

a.     What is going well?

b.     What is working?

c.      What internal strengths am I utilizing that are helping me towards this goal?

By keeping your focus on what is working and what strengths you are utilizing you not only increase your chances of success but contribute to better mental health overall.

Happy New Year!

Visit my website for more information about me and the therapies I use.

www.AndreaHarbeckTherapy.com

How Helping Others Can Help Your Mental Health

I see a lot of articles devoted to self-care and focusing on your own needs. Nothing wrong with this. If you are the type of person who ignores their own needs in favor of others, then this can be very good advice.

However, as a society we sometimes lose site of the balance between caring for ourselves and caring for others.

I know people who have done all the things. They have engaged in therapy (rarely a bad idea in my opinion), reflected on themselves and their needs, established healthy boundaries with others, and taken mental health days to focus on themselves. Again, all wonderful things to do for yourself. Many of these people, though, will continue to feel less than fulfilled and often experience anxiety and depression.

There is one practice often missing in people’s self-care routine: Helping others

I don’t mean denying yourself or your boundaries. Sometimes, though, focusing on those less fortunate than you and offering support can give you the mental health boost you have been missing.

I know, we are all busy and thinking about fitting something like volunteering into our already packed schedules might feel like the opposite of self-care. Perhaps you take one of those mental health days this year and volunteer for an organization that helps others and speaks to your values. As is always my recommendation, notice how you feel during and after.

Research has shown that volunteering can have a positive impact on our overall mental health.

Sometimes too much of a good thing is not helpful. There is such a thing as too much introspection. Getting out of your own head and focusing on helping someone else is a great way to reduce anxiety. When we are helping others, we don’t hyper focus on our own problems. Helping someone less fortunate than you can also put your own problems into perspective.

Volunteering can boost a sense of social connection which in turn may boost our mood. Volunteering can also give us a sense of purpose and meaning.

In a world that feels more and more out of our control, helping others can give us a sense of empowerment.

People often ask me what to do about the anxiety they feel about the state of the world. Unfortunately, a lot of things in this world are out of our control. This can feel destabilizing and anxiety producing. Focusing on the things you can control can help. It is remarkable how actions on a small scale such as helping someone who is struggling can help us feel as though we are having a positive impact on the world.

Of course, like most things, this is not a fix-it-all for anxiety or any other mental health issue. However, I think it is a valuable tool to keep in our toolbox of self-care ideas.

If you are continuing to struggle with your mental health, please reach out to a mental health professional. For those in Colorado and Wyoming, I provide in person and online therapy in Colorado and online therapy for folks in Wyoming. Call me for a complimentary 15 minute phone consultation.

You can find more information about me and how to reach me at:

www.AndreaHarbeckTherapy.com

Surviving the Holidays with Family

Holidays can bring out the best and the worst in family dynamics. I often have people wonder how they can both love and cherish their family while also feeling stressed, anxious, and overwhelmed by the idea of spending extended amounts of time with them.

Family, Holidays and Politics

What is worse than soured eggnog? Family, holidays, and politics! This combination has always been difficult to manage. However, in recent years it seems to be a source of great distress for people regardless of their views.

People often ask me how to manage family events when family members don’t agree politically. There are plenty of articles now to guide people on how to navigate these conversations. These can be helpful guides and resources if you are mentally and emotionally prepared for them. What if these conversations feel like too much to manage, though?

So how do you handle holiday stress, family stress and political stress?

Here are a few suggestions:

Know your limits and create boundaries:

We all have a breaking point where stress and anxiety become too much to handle. For some people this can lead to panic attacks. For others, it may be an irritable outburst, or an inability to stop crying. Some people just shut down.

Before the holidays take some time to reflect. When and where have you met your breaking point in the past? What were the circumstances? What was the outcome? Was there a missed opportunity to politely bow out, take a break or communicate a boundary?

A stressful situation with family this holiday season

If you are anticipating a stressful situation with family this year, think through how you might create some space for yourself. This can mean taking actual space like a preplanned walk. This can also mean internal space. Don’t engage in conversations that you know might trigger your breaking point. If your desire to stay out of hostile conversations is not respected, you may have to set some clear external boundaries with family. Let them know your limits up front.

“I am happy we can be together for the holiday, and I want us all to have a good time. Can we agree that certain topics are off limits during this time? I know I don’t have the energy to manage those topics right now. I hope you can respect that. As for me, if these topics do come up, I will be taking a break and going for a walk to keep myself from getting overwhelmed. I just want everyone to know this upfront, so no one is offended. Thanks for hearing me out.”

What if I am afraid to set boundaries with my family?

It may be time for some help from a mental health professional if creating boundaries feels scary or impossible. Creating boundaries is sometimes easier said than done. The very idea of creating boundaries can cause some people a lot of distress. Concerns around abandonment, self-worth and past experiences can all get in the way of creating healthy boundaries. These issues are worth processing. Please reach out if you are struggling with the idea of family, holidays, difficult conversations or creating boundaries. I help people figure out what is getting in the way and how to practically navigate the situation so that holidays and family can be a time for joy and peace.

Find out more about me and the therapies I use at:

www. AndreaHarbeckTherapy.com

Or reach out for a complimentary 15 minute phone or zoom consultation:

Andrea@AndreaHarbeckTherapy.com

720-336-9454

Ways To Counteract Seasonal Mood Disruption

Many people find the winter months difficult because it impacts their mood negatively. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a type of depression and is a very real mental health diagnosis. There are good treatments for SAD and if you believe your winter malaise is impacting your functioning then consult with a mental health professional or your primary care physician.

Most people will not experience the extremes of SAD but could still use a boost this time of year. Fortunately, there are some easy at home interventions you can try to ensure you get through the winter months with more joy and energy.

EXERCISE

Exercise is a fantastic mood enhancer and can also help prevent depression. You might need to get a little more creative in the darker winter months when outdoor exercise is not as easily accessible.

Do a quick YouTube search for indoor exercise and you will find plenty of options! My favorites are yoga and Pilates.

BODY AWARENESS

Noticing your thoughts is a nice tool from the Cognitive Behavioral tradition of therapy. Noticing how you talk to yourself, the types of messages you are telling yourself about your life and the world around you can be good information.

Negative thought patterns perpetuate negative emotions. For some people, they can easily recognize and switch negative thought patterns to positive thought patterns. For others, this type of intervention does not feel accessible.

If you find it is very difficult to switch negative thoughts to more positive ones, then it might be a good time to consult with a mental health professional. If you are experiencing depression, including SAD, it can be very difficult to utilize this intervention on your own.

I always include noticing body sensations when I ask people to notice their thoughts. Knowing how your body reacts to your thoughts is also good information and a place for potential intervention. If you find yourself thinking the worst-case scenario about something in your life, take a quick scan of your body and notice any sensations.

Do you notice tension? Is your heart beating faster? Are your palms sweaty? When we tune into body sensations, we know just how much our thoughts are impacting us. There is an undeniable connection between our mind and body.

Knowing how your body reacts to your thoughts will help you notice when you are having negative or unhelpful thoughts. This can make it easier to identify negative thought patterns and potentially switch your thinking.

Noticing body sensations is also a good opportunity to intervene physically which will, in turn, improve our mood. If you find yourself stuck in negative thought patterns and notice tension as well, you can try a physical intervention such as exercise to help relieve the tension.

 Many people struggle to notice body sensations. Fortunately, this is a muscle that can be developed with some practice. An easy practice you can do yourself to increase your awareness of body sensations is a body scan.

Body Scan

Starting with your head and face, bring your attention to this part of your body. What do you notice? Is there tension? Is it warm or cold? Tingly or numb?

Next bring your awareness to your right arm, right hand, right leg, right foot and then up and around the other side of your body starting with your left foot. Essentially you are bringing your awareness in a circle around your body. Pause for a moment on each part and notice any sensation.

Some people find this practice relaxing. It is also a good way to work the body awareness muscle. I encourage you to notice the link between thoughts, emotions, and body sensations. It will not only provide you with good information about yourself but give you more opportunities to intervene in ways that can positively impact your mood.

A Tool to Help With Life's Little Stressors

I often use a tool I learned from EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Therapy called the mental movie. I particularly like mental movies because they also remind me of my past life in the theatre. Some acting techniques utilize something similar to prepare for embodying a particular character.

Mental movies can help us prepare ourselves for an event or situation that we may be apprehensive about. They are also useful for practicing how we want to show up in life.

There are a few steps to doing a mental movie:

1.     Find a situation coming up in the near future that is causing you some apprehension or stress. I would caution people from using too stressful or apprehensive a situation without the assistance of a mental health professional.

Situations that you can do on your own might include an upcoming report you have to give to a group of people at work. (If you are out of your mind anxious and fearful about this then consult a mental health professional.) However, if you feel a manageable amount of distress when thinking about your report then you might want to try a mental movie.

2.     Decide how you would like to show up for this situation. In the above example you might want to show up confident and calm.

3.     Remember a time when you felt similar to the way you want to show up for this future scenario. Recall the emotions and body sensations you felt in this past scenario.

For instance, in our example you would remember a time when you felt confident and calm. Notice where these emotions live in your body. Notice your posture and how you hold your body when you feel this way.

4.     Sit with those feelings for a minute until they feel strong and accessible.

5.     Now bring to mind the future situation while holding onto those feelings and body sensations.

In our example, you would be holding onto those feelings of confidence and calm while imagining yourself giving your report at work.

6.     Run through the new scenario while holding onto those feelings a few times until it becomes relatively easy to imagine yourself in the future scenario with those feelings and sensations you want.

For some people, accessing emotions and body sensations feels inaccessible or even anxiety provoking. Reasons for this might include past trauma, or a lack of practice. If you feel distress when trying or are unable to access your emotions or body sensations it might be worth discussing with a mental health professional.

Accessing and understanding our emotional and physical life is important on so many levels and is for another blog, another day.

Andrea@AndreaHarbeckTherapy.com

www.AndreaHarbeckTherapy.com

I hope the summer has been rejuvenating for you and you move into the autumn with hopefulness and excitement for what the new season brings! Apprehensive about the new season? Try a mental movie!

Wait it is Still Summer! Why Are We Talking About Winter Mental Health Prep?

As we come to the end of summer…I know it happened, as always, way too soon…it is the perfect time to start preparing yourself for winter. Many people experience an increase in anxiety or a slump in their mood during the winter months.

I am not saying don’t enjoy the extra sunshine now (which has been shown to boost mood), and all the opportunities for outdoor exercise (a great way to manage anxiety). But I see it happen every year. People who may experience a slump in their mood, or increase in their anxiety during the winter months, ecstatically throw themselves into the relief offered by the summer months and forget all about those darker days.

It is wonderful to enjoy summer and helpful for the future to do a little winter mental health prep now so that the winter months are more enjoyable.

Now is the time to start preparing yourself for the winter.

That might sound like a lot of work. Not really. It is just a matter of mindfulness and a little preparation. People often start great habits in the summer. They exercise more, they may have more energy to start a hobby or practice self-care.

Think about the things you are implementing now and how you can keep them going, perhaps with some modification, during the winter.

For example, if you started exercising to support your mental health during the summer perhaps you think about what exercises you can also do indoors during the winter months.

Yoga is a great year-round activity and an awesome stress and anxiety reliever. Perhaps you plan to invest in an exercise bike for the winter. If you like to swim in the summer, make sure you find an indoor pool for the winter. Another great year-round activity to incorporate now is meditation.

If you felt motivated to start a new hobby this summer, think about something that you can also do year-round such as painting, crafts, cooking or writing. Also think about how to modify outdoor activities indoors. If you like to garden in the summer, perhaps you invest in some grow lights for indoor plants in the winter.

It can feel easier to develop new habits in the summer. Take advantage of this energy now to create a plan for when you might experience a slump in energy or increase in anxiety in the winter.

If you are struggling with your mental health, please reach out to a mental health professional. For those in Colorado and Wyoming, I provide in person and online therapy in Colorado and online therapy for folks in Wyoming. Call me for a complimentary 15 minute phone consultation.

You can find more information about me and how to reach me at:

www.AndreaHarbeckTherapy.com

Or reach out to me directly at:

Andrea@AndreaHarbeckTherapy.com

Burn Out. What Is It? What To Do About It.

There has been a lot of talk lately about burn out. Quit quitting became a thing. And now there seems to be “loud quitting” as well. So how do you know when you are burned out? What does that even mean? And if so, what do you do about it?

Several years ago, I hit a very large, very strong brick wall. I was working for a large company and, I believe, experienced extreme burn out. While this can look different for everyone, in my experience it became obvious when I realized my mental health and overall well-being had been significantly impacted.

I became depressed, apathetic, slept too much, was angry and ultimately, almost unable to function. This is the extreme of burn out. If you are experiencing these things, I highly recommend you seek out a therapist to talk to as I did.

Not everybody, thankfully, hits such a large wall. Which makes figuring out where you lay on the spectrum of burn out a little more difficult. It can also make a solution fuzzier. With that being said, here are some good indicators that you have reached or will soon reach burn out.

  A Drained Battery

You might experience this as a lack of energy, apathy, or difficulty concentrating. Many people reach this point and turn to shame and self defeat, calling themselves lazy. There is a difference between laziness and burn out.

Laziness implies that you have the energy and internal resources to accomplish things but choose not to. Burn out means you have nothing to draw on. Your internal stores of energy, motivation and self efficacy are depleted when you are burned out.

But how do you know the difference? Ask yourself this question:

“Am I intentionally not doing something because I don’t want to do it?”

Or

“Am I wanting to do something but I cannot find the energy or internal resources to do it?”

Ironically, I often think of laziness as a verb. There is some intentionality to being lazy.

Disproportionate emotional responses

Perhaps you snap a little too easily at your loved ones. Perhaps the idea of writing that simple report for work keeps you laying awake at night sweating with anxiety. Perhaps you find yourself, like me, crying at the toilet paper commercial. (Yes this actually happened to me and was, in fact, an eye opener!)

Often when our batteries are depleted our emotional defenses do not have the energy to do their job and we have trouble regulating.

Dread

This was also a big eye opener for me. When you start to dread going to work it is time to reflect. We all go through times when we dislike our job, but if you are consistently and persistently dreading work this may be a sign of burn out.

So perhaps you have identified yourself in these descriptions. What do you do now?

Do not overreact!

Many people realize they are burned out and immediately quit their job. This may feel like it will provide you with the immediate relief you want but can be a bad call in the end.

Reflect

This is a good time to talk with someone. This could be a mentor, a therapist or a life coach. Someone who can help you take a step back and realistically assess where you are at and what your next move should be.

If your symptoms are such that taking that step back feels impossible then I would recommend reaching out to a mental health professional. They can help you navigate your emotions so that you can get to a place where you can reflect.

If you, or someone you know is experiencing the symptoms of burn out feel free to reach out for a free phone consultation. I specialize in helping people understand, navigate, and overcome burn out.

Andrea@AndreaHarbeckTherapy.com

720-336-9454

www.AndreaHarbeckTherapy.com

Spring Has Arrived!

I often cover heavy topics in my blogs and newsletters. Which makes sense, I suppose, given it is my job to help people navigate difficult life experiences. However, sometimes it is helpful for all of us to take a step back and be intentional about recognizing the positives.

1.      Gratitude is one of my favorite tools, especially for people who are feeling down or burned out. A gratitude journal is a great way to start. It doesn’t have to be a long entry or in a fancy notebook! It could be putting three things you are grateful for into your phone each day. Wherever you put your gratitude, I recommend it be easily accessible. When you are having bad day, or experiencing anxious or depressed thoughts, one of the best ways to get a quick pick me up is to take a glance at that list.

2.      As we move into better weather, it is also a wonderful time to start mindfulness walks. I like to combine gratitude with my mindfulness walks. A mindfulness walk entails noticing your surroundings as you walk, utilizing your senses. Some people like to count 5 things that they see, 5 things that they hear, 5 things they smell, and 5 things they feel. I personally prefer noticing what I see for a while and then moving on to my other senses without quantifying it. Whatever feels best for you is great!

3.      The super-sized mindfulness walk also incorporates gratitude for all the things you notice. So, if you see a tree, really appreciate what you notice. Is it beginning to bud? Does it already have beautiful leaves or flowers? Is the texture of the trunk unusual? I like to marvel at nature and really appreciate all that it has to offer. I am always surprised to notice something new I had never paid attention to before. If you live in a city, the same method can be used to appreciate the architecture around you.

4.      Another gratitude tool I like is to make a list of strengths. It is easy to get bogged down in the things you want to improve about yourself. Nothing wrong with wanting to make improvements, but I believe the best way to move forward is recognizing the things you do well and appreciate about yourself. For some people, this is a difficult exercise. If you are struggling to come up with strengths, bring to mind someone who really appreciates you. What do you think they appreciate about you? What would they say if you asked them to identify your strengths?

Spring is a great time to be intentional about how we experience the world. Bad and traumatic things do happen. And there is also a lot of good all around us all the time. Just because bad things happen doesn’t mean you can’t also notice, appreciate and be grateful for the good! Practicing holding space for contradictions can be healthy and helpful!

How To Show Up For Yourself After a Traumatic Event

After collective traumas such as school shootings, pandemics, or natural disasters there seems to be a lot of information about how to help kids. While it is a very important to be there for our kids it is also important to notice how we talk to and show up for ourselves.

When I saw the news about the most recent school shooting, I cried. I also found myself going down the rabbit hole of catastrophic thinking. What if this happened to someone I love, or me? The world is just a terrible, hopeless place, I thought. Frankly, it is very difficult not going to those dark places.

So, what do we do when we encounter these events?

1.       How we show up for ourselves can make a difference. Crying, or some other emotional release can be a good start sometimes. These are terrible events that warrant an emotional reaction. So, just as you would validate the feelings your children have about these types of events, tell yourself it is ok to be sad or mad or scared.

2.      After I had my cry and began noticing my thoughts run away from me, I took a deep breath. I also recognized for myself that I was having significant anxiety in that moment. Excessive worry, catastrophic thinking and black and white thinking are all good signs that we are experiencing anxiety. By reminding yourself that this is what is happening to you, you can take some of the power away from it.

3.      Next, I prayed. For me, this is a good way to release the burden of anxiety. For you, this may look different but with similar results. Meditation can also be a good release. I like using a mantra such as “I am ok, right here, right now.”

4.      My next step will be to take action. This will also look different for everyone. Some people find volunteering helpful and for others it might be writing their legislature or working on a campaign. Taking action can be helpful when we feel hopeless. Empowering ourselves, even in small ways, can help.

Notice for yourself right now where your mind is going. Are you skeptical? Are you saying “That all sounds nice, but… (whatever anxious thought comes to mind).” Validate that response and name it. It makes sense to have an emotional reaction, and it is also helpful to notice if your thinking is becoming consumed by anxiety.

It is also worth noting that these are traumatic experiences for all of us. Trauma can also come with a variety of responses such as hypervigilance, trouble sleeping, or an inability to stop thinking about the event. If you are having any of these experiences, validate your trauma and consider talking with a professional.

I have worked with many people around collective traumas such as the pandemic or violent events. I often utilize EMDR therapy to help people overcome their trauma. For more information about my work and EMDR therapy please visit my website at www.AndreaHarbeckTherapy.com

Tools to Manage an Anxiety Attack

People often ask me why, when they are very anxious, they cannot talk themselves out of their anxiety. When we are faced with a scary, extremely stressful or anxiety inducing situation, our amygdala, the emotion center of our brain can be hijacked. This can trigger a flight or fight response, immediately bypassing the neocortex, or center of the brain that allows us to assess the threat.

Because our neocortex has been bypassed, our ability to talk ourselves down can be compromised. This can be a very frustrating experience. There are some tools that can help you in the moment.

Name It

Remind yourself you are being triggered. Have some compassion and patience with yourself as your body will need some time to come down from the response. Recognize what is happening to you physiologically.

Breath

Breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system and allows us to calm down. Sometimes breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth will increase the calm sensation. Some people like to count as they breath. You can count to 4 or 5 as you breath in and 4-5 as you breath out. Some people will hold their breath between the inhale and exhale. Experiment before you become triggered with what type of breathing feels the most calming for you.

Notice your Surroundings

Sometimes breathing does not work for people when they are very activated. For some people focusing on themselves during an anxiety attack actually makes their anxiety worse. In this case, I recommend people turn outwards and notice their surroundings. Name to yourself, either out loud or in your own mind, what you see, hear, smell and feel. Some people like to choose five things of each to notice if they are available. We don’t always smell five things, but you can find five things to see for sure. This practice takes you out of your own head and grounds you in the moment.

These are a few tools to help manage an anxiety attack after it has occurred. Of course, prevention is always preferrable. Practicing mindfulness and meditation can be great preventative strategies. Knowing the root cause of your anxiety is also extremely helpful. Sometimes this requires the help of a professional.

If you, or someone you know, needs extra support with anxiety or other mental health issues feel free to reach out for a free 15 minute phone consultation.

Andrea@AndreaHarbeckTherapy.com

www.AndreaHarbeckTherapy.com

720-336-9454